“ Aaah! That is the wrong way. Let me show you the right way! “
How often do you unknowingly say this to your child? Or even as an adult to a peer? These statements evoke the underlying feeling of trust.
Trust is a significant aspect of any relationship. It speaks about your faith in somebody’s acceptable sense, capacity or genuineness. You can encourage trust and associate with your child at any stage. While it is ideal to start in early stages, it’s never past the point where it is impossible to begin. It’s additionally important to take a note that mistakes are made and trust can be broken. However that damage can always be repaired and a sense of faith and belonging can be recreated.
Do we really believe that children are intrinsically bad? If given a chance they are bound to make the wrong choice? Well if you live in a house where you have to abide by strict control, you might tend to do the wrong thing when the opportunity arises just to see what it’s like, or what will the consequences be. But in a house where there is a sense of association and freedom, where you are trusted, and the line of communication is transparent, well in that case, children learn to make good decisions by being allowed to practice making their own choices, and by learning through natural consequences instead of harsh imposed punishments.
Also, what happens when they settle on an inappropriate choices? You talk about it! Giving them opportunity and trust doesn’t mean they won’t actually do an inappropriate thing, and it doesn’t mean you simply leave them to do their own completely. Obviously you step in and offer your opinion and help when things don’t go according to the plan. Or may be execute the plans with them and see how it goes and then make the necessary changes if any.
Once more, it is anything but a win or bust circumstance. Simply treat them how you would want to be dealt with. On the parallel front think about a situation had you committed an error at work, might you want to be yelled at and rebuffed? Or would you want to seek help, turn out and fix the problem and learn how to dodge a similar issue later on? It should ideally be the later.
Here are some of the ways you can stimulate a bond of trust with your kid:
1. Acknowledge the feelings you find in your children by being neutral to express what you see: “I see that you are angry with your sister.”
2. Help them understand their emotions and logically put your opinion in front of them: “How can you relate to how you feel at the present time?”
3. Validate the feeling you see: “I can comprehend why you are angry with …… ” Validating doesn’t really imply that you agree with what one says, it simply means that you notice it and can value their perspective.
4. Create quality questions rather than making statements
5. Lend a ear. Listen to them mindfully
6. Let them be by providing space and enter their space only when they are ok with it. Respect their boundaries they will respect yours.
7. Accept them the way they are for who they truely are, rather one who you want them to be.
Trust is a beautiful feeling to harbour. In order to trust children we must first learn to trust and believe ourselves and. Be secure with who you are. It reduces baggage. Believe in yourself, and it will be easy to believe your little children, who at that raw age, know nothing but to be truthful and to be trusted.
Thank you Veera for choosing me as your Mumma <3